Shadows
by Mirnava
Summary: Robin's always disappearing into the shadows. But could there be an underlying reason for that?
1. Chapter 1

He stood in the shadows, his arms crossed and hugged to himself. He watched them interact with each other, laughing, teasing, and genuinely enjoying each other's presence. Megan and Conner were in the kitchen, Wally and Artemis sitting on the barstools. The two pairs were far enough away from each other to be able to have personal conversations, but close enough to feel like they were together. But he didn't join them.

It wasn't the fact that he was the only one who still kept his secret identity a secret.

It wasn't the fact that the other four were couples (whether they knew it or not) and he was single.

It wasn't the fact that he was the youngest, or the only one without superpowers.

It wasn't that the team wasn't accepting of him.

But… Dick didn't feel like he truly belonged.

He knew he belonged, in his head. He kept telling himself he did. That didn't make him believe it. The others told him he belonged, that if it hadn't been for him, this team wouldn't even exist. They told him (not in so many words, and each in their own way) that they enjoyed being around him, that he was the funny, cheeky guy that made everything better. That didn't make him believe it.

Sure, he put on a happy face every time he was with them, joking with them and being that guy for them. But that's all it was: A face. A façade.

A mask.

A mask to hide the true meaning, his true feelings.

The team thought he could disappear so quickly and so completely on missions because it was just a special 'power' of his. Truth was that he got so good at it because he did it a lot, even in his other life. He spent so much time in the shadows, watching, staying hidden so he wouldn't disturb anyone else, that disappearing became second nature to him. It just so happened that it was useful in his life as Robin.

Truth was that he felt that no one ever did truly, genuinely, and sincerely _want_ to be around him. And no matter how many times he was told otherwise, as Dick or as Robin, he still felt alone, still felt like they were lying to him, maybe even lying to themselves.

He knew it was all in his head, that _he_ was the problem, that _he_ was the one making himself feel this way. But every time he hung around the others, he could swear that he saw them make _that face_. The face that says, "I don't really want to be here right now, but I'm going to pretend that I do so I don't offend you. I don't really care what you're saying, either. I'd rather listen to someone else talk about less boring stuff than you talk about, but I still don't want to offend you, so I'll pretend." He knew that it was his subconscious telling him that he was seeing that face on them all, just for a split second. But he couldn't make himself _un_ -see it. He couldn't make himself feel like he belonged. He tried so many things to make him see himself differently. He tried to force himself to hang around the others more. He gave himself pep talks, telling himself that he _did_ belong. He tried chanting a mantra of "They do like you they do like you they do like you" in his head. But he stuck to the shadows, where he felt safest, but where he didn't really want to be, because none of that ever worked.

And he didn't know what to do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hang on, guys, I'll be right back. I'll prove it to you!" Wally all but shouted as he slid off the barstool. Usually he would have zipped to his room and back, but something told him to just walk normally, some feeling in the back of his brain that he had no desire to argue with. He shrugged internally, sauntering from the kitchen toward his bedroom. He stopped short in the mouth of the hall, however. Robin sat, crumpled, at the base of the wall, his legs folded awkwardly underneath him as if he had slid down the wall without noticing. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and his shoulders were slightly raised as he hunched into himself. His head was lowered, and even though his hair was falling over his opaque mask lenses, Wally could tell he was staring, unseeing, at the floor in front of him. Robin's mouth was still and quiet and his brow was furrowed, as if he were battling demons inside. All in all, it was the most un-Robin-like he had ever seen his best friend. It didn't take a genius to figure out something was very wrong.

 _Good thing, too!_ Wally's subconscious supplied in Robin's laughing voice. Wally rolled his eyes. Even when he hadn't said anything, Robin always got the last laugh. Wally shook his head, bringing him back to the problem at hand.

He walked up to the young teen, crouching down in front of Robin. Robin hadn't moved, which worried Wally even more – the kid in front of him was one of the most observant people he knew. "Robin, you okay?" He didn't get a response. "Robin?" He took a breath, looking toward the kitchen to make sure no one was watching and lowered his voice a little more to be safe. "Dick?" The raven haired boy finally looked up, jumping back in surprise when he saw that Wally was right in front of him. Or, he would have jumped back, if he hadn't already been leaning against the wall. All he managed to do was slam the back of his head into the wall, his hand flying to the sore spot instinctively as he groaned and Wally winced in sympathy. Suddenly, he froze.

"What did you call me?"

"Your name," Wally smirked, shrugging. "Robin wasn't home." His face turned serious. "Dick, what's wrong?"

Dick took stock of the fact that he was now on the floor, though last thing he remembered was being on his feet. "I'm fine," he tried anyway.

Wally plopped down on his butt, scooting around so he was leaning against the wall next to his friend. "Yeah, I can see that. Is this a new thing, sitting on the floor curled up and zoned out?" He looked pointedly at how Dick was sitting.

Robin immediately shifted so he was sitting with his back to the wall and his legs crossed in front of him. They stayed there, side by side in silence for a while.

Wally wanted to joke around, or to point out that he had seen Robin curled up like that, obviously in pain, and demand answers. But he knew that wouldn't help anything, so he went with the best idea he had. "What's wrong?" he asked again, gently, lightly bumping Robin's shoulder with his own. Robin pulled his arms to himself again, trying to shield himself. He sighed deeply, knowing that he couldn't lie his way out of this one: Wally was like a bloodhound if he knew something was wrong with his teammates – he wouldn't let go or leave it alone until he got the truth.

"I…" he tried, but the words got stuck in his mouth. He sighed again, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He snuck a sideways glance at Wally. Sure enough, the redhead was still there, uncharacteristically patient for the speedster as he looked at Dick. "I don't feel like I belong." The whispered confession was so quiet that Wally barely heard it. But Dick knew that he had by the aghast look on his face. Dick studied the floor in front of him as he plowed on. "I know you all keep telling me that I do and all, but I don't believe it. I _can't_ believe it. I've tried, Wally," he spat out at the speedster's look, "but my mind won't accept it. Won't accept _me_. I've told myself that you guys mean what you say, I've told myself that you do like me and that I'm not in the way or bothering anyone when I'm around, but I still don't believe myself. I just… I always feel like I'm not enough, like I don't truly belong, like whatever I say, I shouldn't have, because no one wants to hear me anyway and they just do because they're trying to be nice. I feel like people would rather anyone else's company to mine, and they settle for mine because no one else is available. When it's a group, I always feel like the third wheel, no matter how many of us there are. I just… can't make myself think any differently."

He continues staring at the floor, unable to face the look Wally must be giving him.

"How long have I known you?" Wally asks.

"Huh?" Startled, Dick looks over at the redhead, meeting his eyes.

"How long have I known you?"

"For years, but-"

"That's right. I've known you for years, and we've hung out countless times. And most of those times was _me_ seeking _you_ out. Now, why would I, for years, go and do that to myself if being around you was unpleasant?"

Dick thought about that. "I…."

Wally put a hand on Dick's arm. "I wouldn't have. And you know it." Wally sat back up straight. "You're my brother," he said sincerely, locking eyes with Dick to make sure the younger boy saw he meant it. Dick broke eye contact first, looking down. "The team wants you around, too. I know we've all told you this, but if it weren't for you, we – none of us – would be here. They love you, trust you, and would follow you. I would too, gladly, around the teasing." Dick snorted softly at that, his eyes still locked on the floor. "Life wouldn't be the same without you." Wally could see a sarcastic comment like _well, obviously it wouldn't be the same. If anything at all were different in the course of time, nothing would be the same_ , so he plowed on, not giving the younger boy the opportunity. "It would be far worse without you around.

"Now, I'm not gonna say, 'You gotta know that,' because I know you do. But… please try to believe it. Please. For all our sakes. This team wouldn't be worth having without you."

A couple beats of silence pass before Dick made any move. He reached up and peeled his mask from his face to wipe at the tear tracks running down his cheeks. He turned his dazzlingly bright eyes, still shining with unshed tears, toward his best friend, the tiniest of smiles on his lips. Wally flashed him a bigger smile, and Dick's own grew a little before he launched himself at the ginger. Emotion squashed any words he may have tried to utter, leaving him with only the ability to hug the speedster with all his might.

Wally didn't object, hugging the smaller boy back with equal strength, proving once again that he meant all the words that he had said. They remained like that for a while, Wally perfectly happy to be the anchor that Dick needed for as long as necessary. Finally, Dick's arms loosened, and Wally stood. "Come on, Little Bird," he said quietly, holding out his hand.

Dick put his mask back on with smooth, deliberate motions before taking the proffered hand and being pulled to his feet. "Thanks, Wally," he smiled, looking more like himself. Robin followed Wally into the kitchen, the conversation that had started earlier still raging on. Each of the other members of the team greeted Robin warmly, pausing only momentarily before continuing to talk, proving that none of them had heard a single word of what had transpired in the hall.

Artemis turned to Wally. "You go to get something from your room to back up your story, but you bring back Robin instead. No proof, then? I guess I win!"

Robin couldn't help it: A wide grin spread across his face. He still felt aloof, but he knew that loofness would come with time.


End file.
